Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

TV's leading entertainers spent their evening mocking President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which allows international citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message here to affluent immigrants: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.